Impending Doom AKA Grammar and Punctuation

Grammar? Punctuation? What are these things you speak of. If I could do grammar and punctuation I wouldn’t have need of a copy-editor and several Grammar Nazi’s reviewing my work. I’m not kidding. Grammar has always been my weak point. And those pesky little commas are no better. How am I supposed to know when to put a comma instead of ellipses? I just like to break, up, every, single, word.

When I was younger, I would … break … up … every thought with the little dots, which just astounded me, because they were SO cool to my ten-year-old mind. I fair much better now in terms of grammar, and punctuation, but I am nowhere close to being an expert. I would rate myself fairly average. When it comes to my own papers, I’m absolutely horrific at grammar, but when it comes to editing others work, I find it a lot easier to nitpick grammar mistakes.

Spelling? Not an issue. We have spell-check! Not to mention I got straight 100’s on EVERY spelling test for 3^rd and 4^th grade. I got a 98 in 5^th grade, which ruined my record. I know, I know. Horrible. I even have trophies from my pro champion spelling days. And my family still goes to me when they need to spell something. My only flaw, I can’t spell out loud. Nope. Only through writing or typing. (Yes I know my last sentence was a fragment, but it’s a blog, and I’m speaking in my own thoughts. And my thoughts are always fragments.) I don’t know why, but I guess it works, since nobody spells out loud anymore anyways.

These grammar exercises are killing me. As in wrapping around my neck then strangling me sort of killing. Other than the obvious challenge of getting better at proofreading my own writing and learning the obscure-nobody-really-cares-anymore grammar rules, I should be fine. Hopefully. Maybe. Is there any wood around here to knock on?